What To Do When A Relationship Falls Apart

The end of a relationship can stir up many thoughts and feelings inside of you. This can bring suffering, self-doubt, relief, and a desire to make sense out of what happened. 

In my years of working with people I have come to understand the process of transition in which you move from identity of self in relationship to one of identity of yourself separate from that relationship. I have several suggestion here that I am confident will help you feel more able to deal with this major shift in your life:

1. In times of disruption being more grounded and centered can be helpful. The way to bring more solidness to your life right now is to deepen your connection with yourself. I suggesting you choose a practice of sitting quietly and learning to be okay in silence and okay with yourself in the moment. If you are looking for a good reference book Just One Thing by Rick Hanson is full of simple exercises to enhance your sense of self.

2. Your home is your heart. You have an amazing heart and if you make contact with your heart, you will feel right at home. I suggest you look into the mirror each day and say to yourself, "I love myself with all my heart, I have much to offer the world," and each day with the idea of connecting to others make it your goal to share love, compassion and kindness as often as you can in your own way. Mirror work, affirmations, and spreading love will help you come more deeply into resonance with you, your heart and your higher nature (home).

3. Give yourself one year away from the relationship (if you have doubts about ending it) so you take that discussion, going on in your mind, off the table. This is time to find yourself and it is the next necessary step in your life towards more fully realizing who you are. You finding you will guide you in creating healthy relationships.

4. Become mindful of all your thoughts, watch how your thoughts create your feelings. It is important to question your thoughts because you can change any that are not working for you. There are no bad thoughts or bad feelings, but there are thoughts that create suffering and fear in you that need to be quieted or changed.

5. You are on your own hero's journey; this is where you more fully stretch yourself into who you came (in this life) to become. There will be bumps in the road, there will be self-doubt, and dark moments but those will invite more light into you. You can choose to be happy and to be courageous and do the best you can. These are choices you can make that will help the journey be rewarding in many ways.

Changes can be difficult; outside feedback can be very useful. Everyone benefits from encouragement and support. I offer coaching and consulting and a free 15 Minute consult at joseph@josephbernardphd.com. If you sign-up today for my email list, your will receive a free e-book called Spirited Living, which you will find very valuable in times of transition.