Saturday keeps coming back to me filled with interesting scenes, strong emotions and weighty impressions. The morning event was filled with such hope and good will. The afternoon so full of questions about how come people seems so out of touch with what was going on in their hearts? The evening was fun and uplifting. The sandwich effect of two wonderful experiences covering the emotional upheaval of the afternoon was perfect in balancing the day.
How does a person know where to put his or her energy in figuring out what is important to understand or at least come to some kind of acceptance? I ask this question because the morning and evening were easy and friendly with a real flow of life that is comfortable and the funeral was tainted by the incorrect story absent of the real truth of who this friend and family member was and by the emotional undercurrent that seemed to be missed by most. Maybe to be out of touch emotionally is advantageous to the desire to play it safe in the world? Maybe fear and jealousy are common bi-products of an unexamined heart? Maybe death is too scary for most to even contemplate as to why someone would choose to end their life at 51?
There are more questions and I am sure most will not be answered. What I do understand is that pain and suffering played heavily into the decision made? But was that enough to steal away the parent needed by the two children left behind? As happened a few weeks ago when my client died, two children are now left without maybe the healthier of the two parents. They will be traumatized for possibly a lifetime because of this suicide. How can you love your children and think they are better off without you?
The questions keep coming. There will be many by those who really care. Those that have been heartless won’t ask the questions because they will not want to hear the possible answers. Denial, numbness, rationalizing, and blaming will serve no positive purpose. Instead more numbness and distance from the heart is most likely.
Where do people really go when they die? Is there a punishing place for the troubled, I doubt it. Will he feel relief? Will the one who be able to watch what happens to the ones he left behind? I can’t seem to stop asking questions maybe because it reminds me that I too will not be in this body someday.
Losing touch with one’s heart is a huge loss but when it comes slowly over time it may not be noticed until times like these when people may wonder how come they don’t feel much? To ask that question would be to start reclaiming a person’s humanity, to not ask would be to remain an empty shell of what is humanly possible.
Let love shine this week for you. Your open heart is a beautiful thing.