Your Sense of Self Does Not Depend On Others

It is another warm night and I am snacking on some tasty cherries as I sit down to write my first draft of tomorrow’s (now today’s) blog.  After work I played a round of golf until it was almost dark.  Warm summer nights of golf after a busy day feel like I leave the heaviness of my work behind.

As I write this I am practicing writing without an agenda so that I just go with what inspiration flows through my fingers into my MacBook.  So far the flow is not fully engaged and that is ok because I am ok.  Regularly in working with clients and staff I am struck by how depended we become on the opinion of others. This dependency is as if we need approval of others to feel ok about ourselves?  We do not need anyone’s approval but most of us our highly trained by society to believe that to be ok and happy we need others to give us a thumbs up.

Frankly is that the way we want to live, seeking to be approved of in the eyes of those in our life?  The answer from my perspective as a mental health professional is no, our approval must come from within.  For us truly to feel self-approval we need to do a few things as soon as possible.

First - Spend time getting to know yourself by paying attention to your thoughts and being respectful of your emotions.  All thoughts and feelings are your creation from your mind.  Knowing the interior landscape let’s you know who you are.

Second - Silence your inner critic or at least get it to shut up once in a while.  Most of us are well trained (12 years of Catholic Schools for me) in self-criticism, harsh self-judgment and unkind expectations.  This training was bogus but we still buy into it.

Third – Remember you are a spiritual being having a human experience not the other way around.  Your higher nature is infinitely amazing and unlimited in its capacities to love, to be creative, to find happiness, and to live with purpose and passion.  It is time to stop hanging out and believing your limiting ego-mind.

These three alternative viewpoints from the ones most of us were raised with can greatly enrich your sense of self.  A positive sense of self is very liberating and will make you a joy ot be around.

Your sense of self belongs to you, don’t let anyone have the power to shape how you feel about you.  This is the wise way of being in the world.