How does a person let go of their past? What does it take to quit beating ourselves up for what we judge as not ok about who we are? I ask this question because the people I work with in recovery tend to be very harsh on themselves for the life they have led. They learned to be so judgmental about who they are because our families, our schools, our churches and society are so full of critical opinions.
Parents spread the judgments they learn from their parents, schools are based on controlling behavior and grading children, which teaches self-judging. Churches with their endless teaching of right and wrong based on narrow beliefs systems, teach people to judge themselves often harshly. My Catholic upbringing was full of guilt tripping for, as far as I can figure, the purpose of control. Society is full of spoken and unspoken judgments about people, society, class, color, education, body size, sexual preference and so much more.
These ways of judging are just thoughts and are not real. Most judgments are learned and of no significant value except for making a person feel bad. Judging is always about good or bad, right or wrong and most things/behaviors fall into neither category although many would have us believe differently.
Let me make a distinction here. There is critical thinking and asking questions in search of the truth, which I often write in support of on my blog and there is judging which is trying to sort everything as good or bad. Those good or bad lesson we have learned should all be questioned because most are beliefs/thoughts based on no reality. Again our thoughts are not real, they are just thoughts.
This topic is important to me because I spend a lot of time trying to help people let go of the past, forgive themselves for their behaviors, and to try and start to love themselves. Stinky guilt caused by judging is a difficult barrier to help people get past.
Today or this weekend notice all the judging you do and all the judging you pass on to the people around you. Do not get critical of yourself as you observe this judging phenomenon. Instead make a commitment to yourself to stop labeling everything as good or bad, then just notice, observe, and be aware of what is going on around you.
Not judging means you are freed up to appreciate what is. Not judging means you are free to be who you are. Not judging means you can open your heart to yourself and others. Make a commitment to free yourself from the past and just be ok with yourself and those you love. Life will be much more enjoyable. Being open to love is a wonderful way to live. Give it a try and let me and my readers know how it goes.
Personal Note: My sister Joan is going to have surgery on her upper back today to bring relief to her almost constant discomfort. Please if you will send her healing energy. We will both be very appreciative.