Seems like I have been wandering about in my writing lately and it may be a reflection of the uncertainty I have been feeling. I want to go out into the world and spread love and compassion but I lack clarity on an intuitive level of what that looks like. I want to write a series of guidebooks but it doesn’t feel like quite the right time. I wonder if I am dragging my feet or trying to be patient with myself and the process? Sometimes I just don’t know for sure and that is ok. I will just be with what is until I know it is time to move in some direction.
I just finished a really tasty blackberry crumble my wife made a short time ago. I love tasty food and a tasty life. I have come to respect that I need variety, new challenges, to go in different directions, to be spontaneous, to be authentic, to be engaged in purposeful work, and a big dose of freedom. What do you need to create the life you want?
As I write I appreciate that I have come to value and respect my own sense of what is right for me. I have been raised in the belief that we should do life by a certain set of values but I tossed most of them out and went in search of what works for me. To live according to the rules of others is to live in compromise to our own truth. I cannot do that, I have to listen inward and be guided by what I know to be my values, my guidelines. This may seem self-centered and the truth is this point of view is centered in my Self (higher nature) not the fearful ramblings of my insecure self. The approval seeking of my small self has given away to the knowing ways of my wiser Self. I am thankful for this process of inner transformation. Although far from complete I live and sleep in greater peace than ever before.
Lastly today I want to share an experience I had on my run in the forest yesterday. I have been practices an inner insight method I learned from a insightful teacher named John Sherman (with his permission I will share more about this technique in the future.) On the run I found myself separating from my body and becoming a witnessing presence. As I climbed upward I was breathing hard realized that was my body but not me. I could see myself as a body in motion, as a mind taking in what I was doing and appreciating the beauty of the forest around me. This watchful me is my higher state of being.
Watchful me is an interesting description of the part of me that is not my body, not my personality, not my thoughts or my feelings. In this watchful state, there is a full participation in what is going on but there is no “I.” Let me explain that. The “I” is most often the ego, the identity with personality and body but that is not who we are. You and I are much more, we are seeds of the infinite, divine in nature, able to fully experience the human life but not be caught up in it. (For an interesting experiment, notice every time you say "I" and see who the "I" is who is speaking.) To write about this is challenging but I have more to share that may be even harder to explain.